Week 9 came in swinging with pitching shutouts, stolen comebacks, and enough emotional damage to make Gunnarrhea question why he even writes these recaps. BB’s Bold Team kept finding greasy ways to win, Me So Heorny stayed glued to the top, and Nuketown reminded the league that when their bats wake up, everyone else should start pretending fantasy football season is here. Meanwhile, BTA Boyz kept spiraling, Bo somehow wasted a strong offensive week, and This is Mizerable won two straight games for the first time since the invention of electricity. The league is officially splitting into contenders, frauds, and whatever sad little support group Gunnarrhea belongs to.
New Weekly Category: Losses
Goodyear Gila Monsters vs Gunnarrhea
Can Gunnarrhea get a fucking break?! We're gonna have to start giving out a handicap to the guy writing these recaps since he can't snif a win. This is getting ridiculous at this point. All this back and forth close as can be matchup every week are giving me too much anxiety as I fall short every freaking week.
FUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK
But Goodyear had a very well rounded week and there wasn't much to be done. Offensively, they lacked the power we are used to by only hitting 10 homeruns, one of which by the way was Fernando Tatis's tader, the FIRST of the year I might add! Jesus fucking Chirst it's about time. But they made up the lack of power with 97 hits, hitting .286, and 150 TBs. Pitching was also very respectable and was highlighted with a 2.43 ERA. 7 wins and a .224 BAA
This was another week where Gunnarrhea did just enough to stay emotionally invested and not enough to actually win. A brutal combination. The Gila Monsters take the matchup, and Gunnarrhea takes another step toward missing the playoffs.
Mactown MacDaddies vs BTA Boyz
Normally I'd rip The BloTA Boyz apart because getting blown out is a weekly thing for them. None of the last 4 matchups haven't even been a close competition. But I'll give it to the BloTA Boyz, they put in a pretty competitive lineup this week. But this week there was absolutely NOTHING they can do. This was a bloody murder and it would have been the same result against anyone in the league, there was nothing nobody could have done this week. The Nuketown MacDaddies are fucking BACK, and thats scary...
Man of man what the fuck. I guarntee Nuketown had to mute the notifications on his phone after hitting an insane 25 homeruns to go along with 56 Runs, 53 RBIs, 3.17 ERA and 176 TBs. I didn't check and I'm not going to, but Nuketown might have led in all of these categories this week. And lets not forget the Pitching. Putting up a 2.56 ERA, 6-1 Record, and a .205 BAA. Maaaaan when both phases are clicking, Nuketown is DANGEROUS. I don't blame the BTA Boyz for throwing in the towel this week.
BB's Bold Team vs Dixon Cider
BB's Bold Team get's his revenge from the 2025 Championship game as he stays in first place and takes down the defending champ Dixon Cider with his second comeback victory in a row! BB got a little bit of help as Dixon Cider forgot to set their lineup on Sunday, but I don't think it would have really changed the outcome. It might have though. Not sure and don't feel like figuring it out lol. But either way Dixon Cider goofed and payed the price!
BB's Bold Team hitting was very subpar this week, but that hardly matters when you're able to take EVERY pitching category. So even though his team can't hit, he still figures out a way to win! Winner's find a way to win! I wish Gunnarrhea could take that advice. But also, is Dixon Cider slowly falling off? The team is looking like a shell of their former shelf as they sit in the middle of the pack and seem to lost their shine. The pitching is streaky and the hitters don't have that pop. Is it time to sell Shohei?!
Me So Heorny vs John's Super Team
The Battle of the BNB Sluggers goes to Me So Heorny as they win the close matchup against John's Super Team. And again, this is the second matchup in a row where BOTH teams get folded as John's Super Team loses every pitching category and Me So Heorny loses ALMOST every hitting category but squeaks away with the Hitting Strikeouts win and sealed the victory with that. Streaky pitching has been an issue with John's Super Team all year and Me So Heorny is hitting like it's Snatch week. But hey, Me So Heorny will definitely take that win rub it in John's face.
This win from Me So Heorny helps em stay in the race for 1st place as he's only 0.5 game behind BB's Bold Team. When these two titans face eachother again, it'll definitely be an epic clash since neither of these guys could win any hitting categories. Is this the most overrated 1st and 2nd seed we've EVER seen?!
This is Mizerable vs You Don't Know Bo
With no suprise, well maybe a little suprise, This is Mizerable takes the dominant win against You Don't Know Bo as Bo didn't even sniff a lead all week. This might be UTI history as This is Mizerable wins TWO games in row for the first time since 2023 and officially leaves Roch Watch (for now). How embarrassing is this for You Don't Kno Bo?!?!
Bo's offense put up very quality numbers with a .320 AVG, 14 HRs, and 159 TB, but still... shame this man. He couldn't find a way to get the win and for the THIRD time this week a team gets folded and doesn't win a single pitching category!! THATS THREE TEAMS GETTING COMPLETELY SHUT OUT IN PITCHING. To be fair. Bo tied in two of them, but he lost 6 of them. Do y'all just forget that pitching exists ?! All you bums go pick up some pitchers.
But guys, This is Mizerable jumped up to 7th place, the highested they've ever been seeded in the history of UTI Baseball. Is This is Mizerable finally turning a new leaf?!?! Absolutely not... they'll choke soon enough and go right back to Roch Watch. Trust me