Dixon Cider Headlines a Weekend of Beatdowns

You Don't Know Bo apparently took last week's embarrassment loss to The BTA Boyz personally, because they came back and absolutely beat the shit out of the 3rd seed, Me So Heorny, 13–3. Man oh man who saw this coming?! You Don't Know Bo wasn't even some unstoppable offensive machine. They only put up 35 runs, 9 HR, 36 RBI and 125 TB — but when you're facing a team hitting .226, apparently you don't need to be. They hit .273, walked 26 times and struck out only 66 times compared to Me So Heorny's 82, then let the pitching staff close it out with a 3.31 ERA, 1.123 WHIP, 4 QS, 7 NS and a .237 BAA. After looking like all was lost, You Don't Know Bo just dragged its playoff hopes back out of the dumpster and made sure everybody had to smell it, yet.

Me So Heorny, meanwhile, continues doing everything possible to prove that the "fake 3 seed" allegations were just made up. But hey, what have I been saying for weeks?! I call it like I see it homegirls. Me So Heorny managed only 34 runs, 8 HR, a .226 AVG and 113 TB, and somehow the pitching was even uglier: 6.71 ERA, 1.589 WHIP, 1 win, 5 losses, 1 QS and a .279 BAA. Absolutely embarrassing. 65 strikeouts and 6 NS were about the only pieces of evidence that an actual pitching staff participated this week. Other than that, straight up dog water. Some stinky pitching to go along with that stinky hitting. Me So Heorny got handled, folded, gift-wrapped and sent home 13–3.

Dixon Cider kept the Ice Man frozen all week. There wasn't even a sniff of a lead change happening once. John's Super Team is staying frozen solid, even after Dixon Cider dropped a 14–2 nuclear warhead behind 42 runs, 11 HR, 31 RBI, 40 walks and a .243 AVG, which doesn't even sound THAT terrifying until you realize John's Super Team answered with 32 runs, 6 HR and 20 RBI. Dixon Cider then somehow got even meaner on the mound: 2.84 ERA, 58 K, 5 QS and a .243 BAA. This wasn't a matchup. This was Dixon Cider showing up, taking John's Super Team's lunch money, stuffing him into a locker and then checking the standings afterward to make sure all 14 category wins posted correctly.

John's Super Team showing everyone again why he's called the Ice Man as he says ICE COLD. With the numbes he posted, he probably thought he forgot to set his lineup a couple times throughout the week. Only scoring 32 Runs, 6 homers, 20 RBI, a .242 AVG and just 100 TB was already bad enough, but then the pitching staff pulled a MscDaddy and contributed a 5.04 ERA and 1.500 WHIP to show that the beatown was well deserved. They did scrape together 5 wins, but congratulations on finding one shiny quarter in the parking lot after Dixon Cider stole the entire fucking wallet.

BB's Bold Team was realin and dealin the MacDaddies 10.5–5.5 and did most of the damage by smoking those dingers with an above average offensive outing. BB's Bold Team piled up 53 runs, 14 HR, 42 RBI, 9 SBN and 146 TB while striking out only 57 times. The pitching on the other hand might need some work as they posted a 4.80 ERA and a horrifying 1.500 WHIP — but they still produced 55 K, 3 QS and 7 NS, which was enough to keep the MacDaddies buried. It wasn't pretty, and we honestly expect better numbers from a 2 seed, but who really cares as long as you pick up the dub. Whatever you're doing is working.

Mactown MacDaddies actually hit .281, walked 35 times and posted a respectable 3.54 ERA and 1.279 WHIP, which normally sounds like the foundation of a winning week. This had to have been the best pitching week they've had in like 3 years. MacDaddies have to average like a 5.00 ERA, and they fact they get a 3.54 is wild. They even brought 43 runs, 10 HR, 39 RBI, 3 steals, which is a great MacDaddy week!! What really hurt was only 43 pitching strikeouts only ONE QUALITY START. One freaking QS. This also has to do with the very below average 40.2 IP? Mactown MacDaddies keep finding creative new ways to put together decent-looking stat lines that still end with another loss stapled to them.

Stupid fucking This is Mizerable decided to have another insane pitching week and avoided a case of Gunnarrhea. The matchup was close pretty much all week but Mizerable locked down Sunday night to secure the win and put together one of their more complete weeks of the season. They hit .240 with 45 runs, only 59 strikeouts and 5 SBN, but like I said, the real damage came from the pitchers: 2.62 ERA, 1.102 WHIP, 80 K, 4 QS and a .199 BAA. They didn't dominate every category — the teams tied in walks, wins and losses — but This is Mizerable kept stealing half-points and taking categories until Gunnarrhea was completely cured for another week.

Gunnarrhea picked a hell of a time to fall apart, dropping a 9.5–6.5 matchup to This is Mizerable. The week actually looked pretty solid for a while: 9 HR, 29 RBI and 120 TB from the offense, while the pitching staff carried a 3.18 ERA, 1.169 WHIP, 8 NS and an absurd .197 BAA. Then Sunday showed up and everything went to shit. The offense finished hitting just .236 with 43 runs and somehow managed NEGATIVE ONE SBN. Negative. One. That's not losing the steals category, that's actively donating bases to the other team. To make matters worse, the pitching staff got smacked around late Sunday and flipped a couple categories that Gunnarrhea had been holding onto. They weren't dominated all week — they just saved their worst baseball for the exact moment it mattered most and managed to turn themselves into the Mizerable ones.

Goodyear Gila Monsters just casually rolled out one of the nastiest offensive weeks on the board and beat BTA Boyz 10–6, and somehow, I thought they were possibly going to blow it. The Gila Monsters went for 108 hits, 58 runs, 19 HR, 68 RBI, 7 SBN, a .305 AVG and a ridiculous 190 total bases. That's not a fantasy lineup; that's a fucking St. Laurence vs Oak Lawn highschool blowout. Even though the offense absolutely nutted on The BTA Boyz, the pitching was much more mortal at a 4.24 ERA and 1.395 WHIP, but 67 K, 5 NS and enough category wins elsewhere meant it didn't matter. But it was insanely closer than we all thought it would be. When your offense is dropping 190 TB, the pitchers can basically spend half the week eating sunflower seeds.

BTA Boyz y'all be making moves recently! Where has this been all season?! Even though y'all managed to lose 10–6 while posting a .280 AVG, 7 pitching wins, a 1.116 WHIP, 6 QS and a .225 BAA, this was still a solid week and showing a ton of promise. The problem was that Goodyear Gila Monsters' hitters just blew up, nothing you or nobody could have done. The offense also put up 39 runs with 11 HR and 34 RBI, which might have been enough to knock out some other teams, but not Goodyear, who was out there launching everything that wasn't nailed down. The pitching staff tried to drag the corpse across the finish line, but there's only so much you can do when the offense shows up carrying 124 TB to a matchup where the other team has ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY.