Goodyear Is on Fire and Everybody Else Is a Fucking Mess

Goodyear Gila Monsters found some of those anti-Gunnarrhea pills that most of the league has had access to this season, because they put the throttle on high early and never let off the gas. Man oh man, is this team on fire right now as they wouldn't even let Gunnarrhea come close to sniffing a lead all week! Seriously, there wasn't even a moment where I thought i could come back. From start to end, it too much domination. Almost as dominant as The BTA Boyz would be with PCA right now. And it's not just one side carrying them either — both their hitting and pitching were unmatched. Goodyear scored 60 runs, blasted 17 home runs, and then completely buried Gunnarrhea on the mound. Across 80.1 innings, they posted a ridiculous 2.13 ERA, 1.021 WHIP and .191 BAA, along with 74 strikeouts, 7 wins and 9 quality starts. That's INSANE. Nobody can compete with that right now.

Luckily, Gunnarrhea's offense actually got hot enough late in the week to keep this from turning into a complete embarrassment. They hit .273, collected 87 hits, drew 30 walks and even beat out Goodyear in total bases 150–146. Suck it twerp. But the pitching staff just couldn't come close to matching what Goodyear was doing, finishing with a 4.10 ERA, 1.176 WHIP and .241 BAA, along with only 3 wins and 3 quality starts. Gunnarrhea will take the domination in NS 8–1 though. Somehow we managed to steal five categories, but let's be real — this was still a straight-up blowout with very little hope of Gunnarrhea ever taking control.

A tie is definitely not what BB was looking for while trying to get back into that 1 seed, but I'm sure he's not too upset considering it came against the reigning 2025 champ. BB's offense did most of the heavy lifting this week, putting up 50 runs, 13 home runs and 42 RBI while taking AVG .244 to .232 and total bases 117–107. The pitching wasn't terrible either, but I do have one question: how does a roster with 4 relief pitchers finish the entire week with 1 Net Save? That stings my man. Winning that category would have made the entire difference.

Dixon Cider had a VERY sluggish offensive week by her standards. She finished with only 8 home runs, and 4 of them came on Sunday, which tells you just how dead that lineup was for most of the matchup. Are the veterans finally starting to hit a wall? We're definitely not used to seeing this little offensive production from Dixon. Luckily, the pitching staff bailed her out with a 3.46 ERA, 1.262 WHIP and .231 BAA, while also taking quality starts 6–4 and Net Saves 3–1. Still, this might be the clearest sign yet that it's finally time to sell Shohei. That's even if anyone wants him at this point.

Mactown's offense actually showed some life this week, putting up 41 runs, 12 home runs, 38 RBI and 48 walks while hitting .242. They pretty much handled BTA offensively across the board and finished with a 116–94 advantage in total bases. Unfortunately, apparently nobody told the pitching staff there was a matchup going on. Mactown threw just 41.1 innings with a 4.79 ERA, 1.524 WHIP and .299 BAA. Letting opponents hit damn near .300 against you is certainly one way to make sure a winnable week ends in a tie. Gosh is that staff HURTING.

Hey now BTA Boyz, this is two weeks in a row where we didn't chalk up tally's in the L column. I wish i could have said it was a two game winning streak, but we'll take what we can get, right? Especially with the offense being disgusting. They hit a trash ERA of .206 with just 37 runs, 10 home runs and 28 RBI. Good thing they have so many pitchers, because that's the only reason this wasn't another loss. BTA threw 69.2 innings with a solid 3.49 ERA, 1.163 WHIP and .208 BAA, while taking wins 6–3 and quality starts 5–2. So once again, the arms dragged the corpse of this offense across the finish line. Maybe PCA can hit for all 13 spots in the lineup if they ever get him.

Me So Heorny gobbled up John's Super Penis this week with a 9-7 win. It wasn't very pretty, but those kinda wins are what matters. The offense was uhhhhhh FOOKING TRASH. Maybe if they didn't trade away PCA, the win would have been more lopsided, because they got their ass handed to them in nearly every hitting category. They managed just 33 runs, 9 home runs and 33 RBI while hitting .246, but somehow stealing SBN 6–5 was all they needed. The pitching staff did the rest — and by the rest, I mean literally everything. Heorny swept every single pitching category behind a 3.26 ERA, 1.188 WHIP and .227 BAA, while piling up 79 strikeouts, 5 quality starts and 5 Net Saves. The offense basically handed the pitchers a 1–7 deficit and said, "You guys figure it out." Somehow, they did.

John's Super Penis might have to switch his team name to the Ice Man with how cold and unlucky this team has been. Actually, that team name would be pretty COLD. Despite the loss, John's offense had an insane week, finishing with 45 runs, 16 home runs, 46 RBI, 39 walks, a .260 AVG and 143 total bases. They basically dominated every offensive category outside of SBN. Unfortunately, the pitching staff completely shit the bed and wasted all of it. John's arms finished with a 4.84 ERA, 1.448 WHIP, get fucking this..... 1 win, 1 quality start and 0 Net Saves. Johnboy are you kidding me?!?! ONE WIN, ONE QUALITY START AND ZERO NET SAVES + HOLDS?!?!?! Brother..... Imagine winning seven of eight hitting categories and still losing the week. That's not it my man

This is Mizerable is getting nasty with it again as they take down the whipped cream titty man himself, You Don't Know Bo. And this comes after Mizerable had an incredibly off week on the mound, which rarely happens considering they've had some of the most dominant pitching numbers in the league over the past couple of months. This week was the complete opposite, finishing with a 5.43 ERA, 1.438 WHIP and .269 BAA. Luckily, the offense showed up when the pitching finally didn't. Mizerable dropped 50 runs, 13 home runs and 50 RBI, while adding 31 walks, 5 SBN and 132 total bases. They took six of the eight hitting categories, which was just enough to overcome the pitching staff fumbling the bag and steal a 9–7 win.

Bo stays outta the playoff race with another L. The crazy part is his pitching was actually really good this week, posting a 3.05 ERA, 1.065 WHIP and .197 BAA, and it took five of the eight pitching categories. The offense, though, couldn't take advantage of Mizerable's rare pitching collapse. Bo managed just 34 runs, 7 home runs and 33 RBI, losing six hitting categories despite batting a solid .279. It really does look like the only team he can beat is unfortunately, Gunnarrhea. Until the playoffs come around baby! Then you're mine. Oh wait just kidding, you're not gonna make it bitch.