The Throne Changes Hands and the 13 Game Losing Streak Finally Snaps

Daaaaang Dixon Cider was dealing straight cheese in Week 17, dominating on both sides of the ball and reminding the league why she is the reigning champion. Dixon crushed the offensive categories with 55 runs, 17 home runs, 57 RBI, a .290 average, and 169 total bases. The pitching staff joined the beating with a 3.43 ERA, 1.231 WHIP, six wins, six quality starts, and a .237 BAA. I had a chance to schedule a quick interview with Dixon Cider following Week 17's win and she made the following statement: "Me So Heorny might have a chance if they brought a girl in to help run their team..... Oh wait, I forgot they already have two girls in charge. They're cooked". Bold words, but is she wrong? Rumor around the league that these are the facts. But either way, after taking 12.5 categories, she can way whatever she wants. Dixon is officially back to reeling, dealing, and preparing to defend her crown in the playoffs.

Me So Heorny really did not have the best week. Hitting was pretty solid but nothing to write home about. They we're just kinda outta luck with the overwhelming offense of Dixon Cider. What killed em was the stinky pitching. They took K's with 88 and Saves with 5, rest of them not even being competitive. They posted a a 5.08 ERA with five losses, while producing only two quality starts across 79.2 innings Yeah it's probably just an off week, but this kind of inconsistency has got to make them a little nervous considering it's almost show time! But not to worry, it's amost time for y'all to lose in fantasy football too!!

Now this is what I'm fucking talking about. Gunnarrhea continues spreading outta control. Now this wasn't the best week for Gunnarrhea, some might even say below average as they posted only one pitching win, two quality starts, a 4.03 ERA, and 28 RBIs. Freaking yikes dude. But it doesn't fooking matter when you're going against that fake 1 seed BB's Bold Team. Dispite having the very subpar performance, BB barely sniffed a lead. They has something going on at the end of Sunday, but they obviously choked that shit hard. The numbers Gunnarrhea put up should not have been enough to beat anyone. But the matchup gods we're watching over Gunnarrhea this week.

BB's Bold Team had so many opportunities to win and still pissed that shit away. The pitching staff delivered six wins, eight quality starts, a 3.92 ERA, and 70 strikeouts, but the offense completely disappeared with a .237 average, only nine home runs, 31 runs, and 117 total bases. Some of those offensive stats we're the worst in the league. Brett refused to defend himself in the group chat too and reportedly would not even look Gunnarrhea’s owner in the eyes at the office. He should be embarrassed—the supposed No. 1 seed lost to a team that is very low in the standing, not BTA Boyz low (Johnboy we will get to you), but still low. And that embarrassing loss knocked BB off the throne and down to the No. 2 seed. Cya kid.

BTA Boyz broke their 13 game losing streak!!! FINALLY!! Holy fucking shit dude. After months of watching this team get beaten like a weekly league tradition, BTA came alive with 43 runs and a dominant pitching performance: a 1.89 ERA, 0.968 WHIP, four wins, seven quality starts, and a .203 BAA. This is what we needed. This wasn't just a win for you BTA Boyz as I'm sure everyone was tired of watching y'all lose week after week. It was getting pretty embarrassing, but it's finally time to celebrate baby! You officially suck slightly less now! Now lets see if we can SOMEHOW get a winning streak going. Doubt it though.

Oh Johnboy.... If I was you, I'd go get in my car and keep on driving. I wouldn't tell anyone where I was going. I'd get a new phone number, change my name, dye my hair, dye my skin color, get surgery to change my height, and just overall completely make the person Johnny Pickles disappear forever. And then after all that work is done, I'd kill myself because there is absolutely no recovering for being the person to put a halt to a 13 game losing streak. This is now forever the legacy of John's Super Team. This is absolutely disgusting. I mean BTA Boyz I guess had to win eventually, but I just thought it woulda been in a couple seasons from now. when the losing streak got to like 30. John's Super Team had one of the worst offenive weeks with very mid pitching. It's impossible to win when your team performs like this.

The MacDaddies once again received enough offense to win and once again watched the pitching staff drag them back into mediocrity. Mactown took six hitting categories behind 45 runs, 11 home runs, 40 RBI, 40 walks, and four net stolen bases, but the rotation responded with a 5.22 ERA, only 33 strikeouts, and two quality starts across just 39.2 innings. I have said it for about 35 straight weeks: until the MacDaddies fix this pitching staff, they will remain permanently trapped in the middle of the standings. And on top of all that, they traded away their biggest name pitcher as the MacDaddies are trying to collect the complete set of Phillies. Which is fair to be honest. Guy just became a Cub so it's kinda like "Ehhhh, kinda gross". But he is trading him to Goodyear so the guy is probably going to win Cy Young this year.

This is Mizerable followed the exact opposite formula, relying on its pitching staff to rescue a lifeless offensive performance. The rotation delivered a 2.78 ERA, 1.065 WHIP, 70 strikeouts, eight quality starts, and a dominant .176 BAA, yet somehow recorded only one win in 71.1 innings. One additional win would have flipped the matchup, but naturally Mizerable found a way to leave it on the table. That's the This is Mizerable we know and love! And as of now hey technically escaped with a tie, but I got this crazy feeling that later this week, 2 of This is Mizerable's hits are going to be taken away and the TB category is going to end in a tie and flip to a MacDaddy win. Now I ain't no future teller, I'm just a guy with a feeling. But somehow, This is Mierable will still blow this. Watch

AND THE NEW 2026 1ST SEED IS ..... GOODYEAR!!! Back to reclaim the throne after absolutely annilating the 2025 GM of the Year, You Don't Know Bo. Shiiii this is what I woulda done to Bo last week too, but like I said, I didn't want him to leave the league. But you on the other hand didn't care as you piled up 56 runs, 15 home runs, 159 total bases, and a .259 average, while the pitching staff added a 2.91 ERA, 1.015 WHIP, seven quality starts, and six net saves. Was there even a glimmer of hope for Bo this week? Absolutely not. There was only a couple of categories that were even competitive. The rest was absolute domination. Goodyear has been scorching hot over the past month, and with the playoffs approaching, nobody should be excited about seeing this team in their bracket.

And the longest active win streak of 3 Wins, and possibly the longest win streak in You Don't Know Bo history, currently ends as Bo produced the worst offensive performance of the week, batting .196 with only eight home runs, 33 runs, and 97 total bases. The pitching was not nearly good enough to rescue them either, managing just two quality starts with a 3.92 ERA and 1.343 WHIP. That stings. Not very GM of the Year of you Patty. But honestly there was nothing to be done. Not because of Goodyear's solid performance, but because you trash. Not John's Super Team trash, more like the Gunnar's self given haircut trash.